Once upon a time...

 

I remember a time of wealth, health and prosparity. A time of giving and receiving. A time of serving. But that was many years ago. Today I reflect on those times to take my mind away from current hardships. For years I have suffered from a strange painful awakening in my sleep. And recently it has become so intense I have decided to share it with you. Imagine going to sleep. Unable to find the best position of comfort but eventually you do and you fall into a deep sleep. After a hr or three hours you awaken. You are short of breath. Pain of pressure on your chest and your entire body is in pain and you are confused. Slowly you come out of this terrifying experience. You want to go back to sleep but you know if you do this will happen again a few more times before morning. So you stay awake, write and read until you fall asleep again. Only to wake up and go through this same experience again. 

I have been thru a sleep study and told I do not have sleep Apnea. My symptoms may be nothing more than panic attacks or anxiety. My personal life is simple and happy. My exposure to stressful situations are minimal. Whatever the cause of these events, I am determined to over come them so once again I can live that once upon a time life. 

Believing.

I have been wondering what it means to me to believe? I guess if I did not believe in Jesus and his sacrifice I honestly dont think I would believe in much. If God was not in my life where would my moral compass be? So why do I believe? 

I was raised in the Lutheran Church. I went to Sunday School from Kindergarden to 7th grade. One Sunday morning I got into an arguments with my teacher in 7th grade. He scolded me for questioning the many stories from the bible. I was asking, How did God part the Sea and I used bad language. At this time I was being taught evolution  in public school. After my scolding I stopped my studies on Sunday. In 9th grade I returned to my Church and Joined the youth group on Wednesdays. That lasted a year. There were only a dozen of us in the group and 6 of us were good friends. The next thing I know is puberty happened and the party years had begun. 

The following Summer after 9th grade I joined a Nazarene Church Youth Group and a group called Young Life. It was after a year of these Wednesday youth group meetings and the occasional weekend camping trips and Young Life parties that I was awakened. I was at the Nazarene Church listening intently to the sermond about surrendering to Christ. Mind you nobody made me go to church. I went because I wanted to and there were a few cute girls I liked at Church. At this time I was torn between teenager mischief and the desire to know God more. For whatever reason I was instantly compelled to walk to the alter and kneel and pray that God forgive me for my sins. At that moment I felt the giant hands of God wrap my entire body and all my shame and guilt from anything I had ever done wrong was gone and I was filled with his love, comfort and joy. For the first time I was at complete peace in my heart, mind, body and soul. I cried tears of Joy before a full Church. I knew that moment Jesus was real and nothing could ever change that belief. I knew that moment whatever sin I had done or may do in the future that I was forgiven because he loved me so. Now as the next 5 years of my life came to pass I did make some bad decisions. But every time I did I was convicted by my faith. 

Eventually I matured and my life was on a positive track. 

So many times in my life did I face death. At partys, in cars, as a firefighter and as a Good Samaritan. In all those situations I know God protected me each and every time. Here I am now at age 49 and I ask myself, what if God does not exist? Then I say, why even ask such a stupid question when I know the answer is he does. I believe I challenge my own belief not to test God but to test my faith. To reconfirm to my flesh that I am a child of God. I can not argue with myself about the existence of God because he is in me at all times and that is why I believe. 

I think for each and every Christian the reason they believe in Christ is unique to them. Once you fully surrender to him there is no doubt he is real. It is a divine quickening that can not be denied or over ruled. I am so thankful he finds me worthy of loving. 

I work hard to remind myself to be a good Christian. It is not easy. It takes effort and a desire to want to please him. But as long as he loves me I will continue to believe in him.  I believe and know that will be for eternity. 

God has a special plan for all of his Children. Including you. I am here to share with others how Good he is and that he is real. I am here to share with you all that no matter how bad life may get sometimes that If you have God in you that your life will be forever changed for the better in ways that you can never imagine. 

4am pains

Morning pains return. As I have made every attempt to regain a quality of life with minimal pain, this morning I am reminded of the injuries I have. 

Waking up feeling short of breath and with my old injuries aches and pains returning motivates me to take action. I have noticed small clues recently that this was coming. In fact I have been planning to buy an adjustable bed to help my sleep and pain management by elevating my head a little and my leggs as needed at night. 

In the past I have been able to manage my pain through prayer, light impact exercise, diet and with medication as well as surgical intervention. 

In addition to my pains returning at night my night sweats and waking up short of breath have returned as well. 

My plan now is to ask God the father in prayer to free me from this discomfort. Of course God has blessed me with the ability to think so I think I will get a more comfortable adjustable bed to help me keep my head elevated at night. Trying to do this with the use of pillows alone at night has only caused my neck injury to hurt. 

Today I will shop for that bed that will offer me the comfort that I so badly need.