A Bone Spur and Arthritis & ???

It's been 6 weeks of PT since Shoulder Surgery. Pain started to get bad two weeks ago. I got X-rays last Monday. Discovered a bone is growing in my shoulder and it hurts. So now another Surgery is scheduled for July 5th to remove it. Doctor Dillingham said some of my pain is from my neck injury again. 

Dr. Dillingham is going to review my Stanford procedures and start looking at doing another study to identify the exact areas of trauma causing my pain and develop a plan. The goal we agree is to keep my pain under control to where I do not depend on medication to manage it. 

May 10th Right Shoulder Surgery

Sick of doing this but it's done. Had a few small issues in the rotator and arthritis thanks to trauma injuries so a little debri-ment and cleaning to smooth things up. It's been 5 days and I feel much better already. I'm hurting a little but the arms out of the sling and moving well. I expect to be strong and doing well in a month or two. I really don't know what to expect regarding the arthritis? I'm just going to do my best to take care of my body and not reinjure it. Proper diet and safe modified exercises. 

My wife is busy working her business these days. My daughters wedding is just a few months away. Everything seems so crazy. I feel like I got robbed of my career and I want back in but It's not going to happen. Something else is about to happen. A revelation or a gift or something obvious. I'm not sure. But it's going to happen. I just have to wait and see what's next. Whatever it is I pray it's a blessing that helps me move forward. 

Small set back

3 weeks after my procedure I took a little trip to the coast and camped in my van. It was lovely. But I started getting a new pain in the end of my rt clavicle and the top of my rt shoulder. A week later as it had gotten worse and I was only making it hurt more trying to do my physical therapy I visited my orthopedist Dr. Dillingham at SOAR in Tedwood city. He ordered a MRI. Over the next few weeks my pain got worse and I started having pain in my upper thigh that later moved to my calves and got so bad I could not walk for a few minutes when I got out of bed or a chair. I was also no have tremors over my entire upper body. I went to my primary doctor who put me on Ativan and ordered blood labs. Like Magic the Ativan worked and my leg pain and tremors stopped. I also started treating my shoulder pain with a lidocaine patch. I guess I'm so use to being in pain my not treating it allowed my body to go into shock causing me the issues with my legs and the tremors. I should have known better. Now I'm waiting to get a call to go see Dr. Dillingham and find out what he has planned for my rt shoulder pain. At least I'm stable and this two shall pass. 

40th operation celebration

I had my 40th succesful operation at Stanford on Feb 15th. Before the procedure I was told a different technique than what was planned would be required to reach the nerve causing my pain in my right arm and shoulder. The continuous radiofrequency of the nerve worked. My pain is 90% gone but I'm still healing so I expect it to get better. Unfortunately I lost some mobility of my right arm and more than 70% of the strength. 

My back has healed up nicely from my prior RF procedure and I have no pain there now. I still need my cane to walk as I have no feeling in my lower left leg and I have some weakness in my rt hip and balance issues. 

I'm going to celebrate not having to take pain medication. For the first time in nearly 13 years my pain is under control. I now have a way to manage it with RF procedures should it return. My plan is to be very careful and protect my injuries by not doing anything that may inflame them. Walk gently. Smile big. Thank you Stanford Pain Management Center. 

My pre Valentine update.

As Valentine's Day nears I awake again riding my rollercoaster of pain. My loving wife gets me coffee and something for my pain. I have had wonderful progress in Physical Therapy as of late. I also have had some success with my treatments to better control my pain at Stanford over the last year. I have my 40th procedure scheduled for this following Wednesday. Cryo ablation on my rt shoulder to reduce that pain. After this I may be good for up to a year before I need any more procedures outside of anything that can be accomplished in a office visit. 

It took just over 12 1/2 years to get me to a point to where my pain will not be the number 1 thing on my mind 24-7. I can not wait until this Wednesday and this is done. 

Moving forward I will need to remember to be careful as the injuries are still there and the pain has only been killed at the nerves. I will use this time in physical therapy to strengthen my legs, arms and my core as I have not been able to due to my pain in the past. 

To think I was 37 when this started and now I'm 51. I am scared to take chances that may set me back and I'm scared that if I don't I may miss out on the opportunities and experiences that I truly have a desire for. 

Everything that could possibly be done has been done. What happens in my future is a mystery. 

Wishful Thinking

Ahh, three key factors in life we all may like to achieve and maintain. But for me I have made Health a priority. Without health it's hard to earn $ any significant wealth. 

In my new physical therapy program I have found some success but I have also been met with hard limitations that I have yet to overcome. 

I leave for a consult and preop at Stanford tomorrow. I have a radio frequency ablation procedure scheduled for my rt shoulder. One more shot at pain management. 

I continue to think of ways I may possibly be more productive on a regular bases. But when I test my ability to function for more than an hour In a capacity that would produce I find myself falling short physically. I consulted with several doctors on this and none of them can offer me a cure for it. All they offer is ways for me to manage my issues so I can be a little more comfortable. 

Productivity comes in many shapes and sizes. For now mine comes in a voice and my short writings.

Nobody Really Understands!

When you take miracles from spiritual healing to Natures healing remedies to modern medicines to surgical intervention the bottom line is nobody really understands how much it hurts or how repeat sickness just drags on and makes us feel weaker.  

Time passes by so fast and you do what you can for yourself and others. But when does it ever get back to normal? When does the pain end? When does sickness return to just a seasonal cold or just the rare flu? Or just a simple cut, bruise or sprain? 

What happened to the spark that drives ambition, desire and the satisfaction of accomplishment? Having the ability to physically and emotionally celebrate in those moments of joyful experiences alone or with others has been taken and replaced with one full time goal. To overcome, to heal and to find a cure for it all so you can do it all again. But time keeps passing by while the many attempts to find a cure, a fix and to heal keep on. 

So where do we find joy? In the actions of our friends and their success? In the actions of our Sisters, Brothers or Parents? Or do the actions of our Children and their happy moments become ours? 

Whatever or wherever we can find it we must grab every drop because that is the prize that keeps us all motivated to go on. 

I have watched the spark grow dim in others eyes who were challenged like me. I have watched over time as they gave up. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to gain from all this but whatever it is I sure hope it has a happy ending while I'm still around to enjoy it and my spark keeps firing. Because I'm not done yet. There has to be more for me to do here and share and enjoy. It's time for my next miracle. 

My thoughts. 

Respectfully,

Douglas J Christian